Who doesn't love a good infomercial where any two-bit inventor can purchase airtime to target insomniacs and late night coffee drinkers with their totally useless but strangely ingenious $19.99 contraptions. There's a very good reason that these are played in the twilight hours; the more more grossly exaggerated the situational faux pas, the more convinced your sleep-deprived brain is that you simply cannot live without this product.Take, for instance, the Egg Cracker. I need one of these:
I can sympathize with the women who keeps missing the bowl because this morning I tried to break an egg into my frying pan and it ended up all over my high school science teacher's dog. It was a little embarrassing. Also, my kids make that same face every time they eat anything I've cooked. I never realized it was the eggshells that made it so unappealing. I also never realized there were eggs in hamburger helper.
Or how about the Fridge Locker?
This is a definite improvement over my current refrigerator security system which is called "I licked this" and is pretty effective at keeping my children out but sadly lacking when it comes to the occasional grizzly bear who randomly wanders into my kitchen.
I wasn't really digging this Sleep Toasty until they explained that it can be used on the right OR left side of the bed. It's cleverly non-gender specific, too!
Some of my other favorites include:
The Z-Quiet anti-snoring device. These types of products are probably the most effective use of the 3am infomercial time-slot because a husband's snoring is the #1 reason wives are watching TV at this time. I actually have my own version of the Z-Quiet; It's called my fist.
The Comfort Wipe will securely hold my toilet paper and extend my reach a full 18 inches. Now there's no reason to stop eating before my ass get's too big to wipe it myself... I can use Comfort Wipe and continue to enjoy those cheeseburgers and french fries! I'd like to point out that the EZ Jet Water Cannon can probably do the same thing as it proclaims to "blast away all those dirty jobs."
The Tiddy-Bear (yep... that's the real name) fits over seat belts to reduce annoying pressure points and friction. It's obviously made by the same company as the Sleep Toasty since it fits both the passenger AND driver side seat belts!
Speaking of Tiddies: This one is quite useful in preventing breast mishaps while you sleep!
I can't tell you how many times I've been woken through the night because my breasts fell out of whack. Joe offered me a much cheaper solution to this problem, but I'll let you figure that one out for yourself...
As corny as these infomercials are, they do offer creative answers to life's problems, some of which I never realized I had until I saw the solution. One thing's for sure... they're much more entertaining than the National Anthem and subsequent snow American's used to have to watch between the hours of 2 and 4am.
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