I'm back folks!! Sorry for my once again long absence. I've been on a year-long bender, but I've finally decided to add some extra-curricular activities to my already overwhelmed drinking schedule, which means... you guessed it... DRUNK BLOGGING!!
Here's some of what you missed in this year's episode of "C":
Tanner begins dating Veruca Salt, realizes he hates her as much as everyone else does, dumps her back off to her over-indulgent father and has now gone off to college in NM to meet a whole new fleet of Veruca Salts with which to torture his mother.
Brent moves out to his very own apartment to prove his independence but decides to move back for the free meatloaf and maid service.
Bonnie Belle develops a particularly nasty case of the fleas and wages a war against terror on her ass. It is mostly unsuccessful (unless you count the entertainment factor of a dog barking at her own ass) until Mom drops a smart-bomb on the back of her neck. Shazam!
Lily has another litter of kittens. Dismayed that we manage to find suitable adoptive parents for most of them Lily joins la leche and encourages her (now teen-aged) Schmitty-Kitty to continue nursing until she's too old to produce milk.
Cindi's computer comes down with a case of the African-fainting-goat-disease, passing out cold whenever it gets startled by sudden bursts of CPU usage. She visits the computer store but finds none in her price range of 12-years-same-as-cash.
Brittney turns 17 and, finally having no more need for her fainting couch, donates it to another hormonally imbalanced up-and-coming teen. The household breathes a collective sigh of relief and mom realizes she can finally stop drinking but curiously decides against such drastic measures.
Cindi turns 40 and discovers her ass crack has become an expansion joint. She orders Hip Hop Abs which seems like a good idea at 4am after downing a bottle of vodka, but soon realizes she is not, nor has ever been, hip. She's decided to stick with Richard Simmons because she can keep up with the fat people in his videos and doesn't fart with exertion when she tries to follow his dance moves.
Joe turns almost-50 and his body/mind begins to decompose. He walks around shouting at everyone to speak up and stop mumbling while looking for his reading glasses which he's once again placed in the vegetable crisper.
... And that's (just some of) what you missed on this years' episode of "C"!
