Because Bill Gates has decided that he just doesn't know what do do with his trillions of dollars and so, in his infinite "I-wipe-my-ass-with-your-money" wisdom, and absolutely unparalelled "why?-Because-I-like-you" generosity, he's decided to
pay all of us to do nothing more than forward an email. That's it! Just one click and Cha-CHING!! Total financial freedom! Nobody's quite sure why he decided to do this, but I'm sure it has something to do with tax shelters, money laundering, or Obama's economic redistribution plan or something. Who cares; the why is not important.What is important is that I will get $0.17 for each person I forward the email to, but that's not all folks because I'm also going to get $0.17 for every person they forward it to, and every person they forward it to, and every person they forward it to, and every person they forward it to.... it's exponential!!!
For those of you who are having trouble understanding the mathematical implications of this, I will break it down for you:
I have about 900 people in my email contacts list. I will forward it to all of them, because I'm nice like
that and I want everyone to have a piece of Bill Gates. You're welcome.900 people x $0.17= $153 for ME!
Ok, not rich yet, but wait....!! Let's assume that each of my 900 recipients have only 200 contacts, because they're not as cool or popular as me but that's ok, because the email instructions didn't have any sort of clause that excluded ugly or annoying people from the equation. I know because I checked.
900 people x 200 contacts ea=1800 forwards x $0.17 = $5202 for ME!
Still not rich yet, but considering that this can all take place within an hour or less, $5355 isn't exactly chump change for an hour's work, right? I didn't even earn that as a stripper, and as strippers go, I was pretty awesome.
Of course, those 1800 friends are immediately going to see the potential in this kick-ass pyramid scheme, and being the kind of assholes that like to forward every piece of shit-mail that clogs their inbox, they are going to send this to everyone in their contact list! We'll continue to assume each of them also have 200 people who haven't yet blocked them for their annoying 'pass-the-trash' tendencies.
1800 people x 200 contacts ea=360,000 forwards x $0.17 = $61,200 for ME!
Now we're getting somewhere! Last week I'd have been perfectly content with a bonus $66,555 in less than 24 hours but not anymore, because now I know that I don't have to work, or open up a chain of Fudruckers or invent Slap Chop or pet rocks to get rich; I simply have to click two buttons and wait for my check. So...
360,000
people x 200 contact=72MILLION forwards x $0.17 = WHO THE HELL CARES BECAUSE I'M NOW FILTHY FREAKING RICH!!!I'm assured this will work because this email was totally checked over b
y a lawyer who assures us that Bill Gates is going to JAIL if he reneges and once he's paid out all the money he owes me, he won't have any money left for bail. That's how I know this is true, because jail is an ugly place full of ass-rape and other scary shit. I know Bill doesn't want to go there because he's not exactly what you'd call buff and he'd be somebody's bitch within the hour. Also, he (probably) doesn't smoke, so even if he wasn't totally destitute, he wouldn't have any prison currency to bribe Guido or Jerome out of killing him.Also, I know it's true because the person who originally started this email now has more money than Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Oprah Winfrey and Carlo Slim Helu combined. Booyah!!
(In case you don't know who Carlo Slim Helu is, he is currently the richest man in the world, according to Forbes magazine. I'm pretty sure he's the head mob-boss guy of the Mexican Cartel or something. Your welcome for the heads up on this should you ever run into him during your vacationing travels after you've taken all of Bill Gates money.)
So for all those who got this email and scoffed at it, I say, "So long, suckers!"
See you in Rio de Janeiro!
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